Hakim is sick and I am going to be sick, too, unless drastic measures are taken.

Wow, I actually cut to the chase! I normally beat about the bush, you know, with the whole crapping thingy.

Finally, I’m getting rid of this bad habit of mine!

Wait. I just wasted three sentences of pure crap. Crap. Back to the topic.

As I mentioned, Hakim is sick. He is from last night when he puked out his dinner.

Parents said he was fine.

I am not convinced, but trust me, after living for nearly 17 years and six months of being a daughter to a pair of doctor and nurse, I’ve come to the conclusion that medical professionals don’t really fret over their offspring’s sickness.

Ah, yes, I remember the days I was feverish and refused point-blank to tell my parents about it. Because I know they won’t make a big deal out of it.

So there I was, snuggling like a fetus on the sofa. No, my mistake. I was snuggling on the marbled floor. It was cool down there.

They care, sure they do. Just in their uniquely unique way.

Back to Hakim being sick.

He threw out his breakfast, that lucky kid. The turn of event saw me cleaning up after him. The boy himself, the gray Robot shirt, the jeans, the carpet, the floor.

I am one good sister. Oh yes I am. I should make a song for myself.

But the part that made me sick was when he refused point-blank to put on a new pants, because he wanted jeans.

I mean, what was the big deal about jeans? The only clean pants left were short denims and he made his point across that he wouldn’t be wearing short denims.

Cutting the story short, after a turmoil of tantrums, streams of tears and toy cars flying, victory is Mitsui’s.

He wore the pants in defeat. He sobbed as he was laid down to sleep. He sucked on his bottle as the telly glared with Asian Food Channel.

And I was left standing. Fuming. Man, that’s a bad combo. Prophet Muhammad s.a.w said that if you are mad and standing, sit. Mad and sitting, lay down.

I might as well roll over and play dead. No one will bother me again.

So he hadn’t had his lunch. And dinner was another thing. He puked up on it, too.

I consulted my parents and just now, mom gave Hakim is first dosage of Panadol syrup [Finally! Oh mama I love you!]. And the boy’s sleeping now.

I’ve analyzed my situation before I jotted this down. That’s the third thing you have to do when you’re mad, actually.

I am fuming. Yes. Because Hakim is sick, and I’m helpless.

I resent helplessness. So, yeah, it’s me and my dignity after all. I mean, he was under my watch when he got sick. Which responsible caretaker wouldn’t be fumed?

So, now that he’s okay [for the time being], I’m okay.

I am simple, am I not?

p/s: What to do when you are mad?

1. Punch the nearest wall.
2. Breathe deeply.
3. Analyze the situation.

[Source: Atiqah Hanifah and her eccentric friend. You know who that is.]

Well, I jumbled it all up. Usually I skip number one. You would, too, if you know how fragile the human phalanges are and how horribly thick the concrete wall is.

You are now with the ever charming DJ Toshio in our late night segment Message of Love, love is in the air, brought to you by Cornelitto, where love is in every bite. We have our second caller for tonight. Hello? Who’s on the line?

Yo? I’m a Homo sapien from Kanagawa.

A what?

A Homo sapien. Geez, you don’t study science or what?

Okay, Sapien-san. So who’s the special one you’re dedicating this message to tonight?

I would love to dedicate this to another Homo sapien currently residing somewhere in Tokyo.

I see. Another one of your kind, eh? So what’s the message?

The message goes: So you’re not replying my sms. Don’t worry, I used to do that to others, too.

To let you know, I’m that dreading Energizer bunny. You kick me, I’ll just stick to where I am until my mission is accomplished.

This is what you get when you crossed a Choleric with a Melancholy.

Wow, a minute there, ma’am. You can’t just threathen someone on air!

Hold your tongue, Toshio-san! I’m not threatening anyone.

Labelling your message as creepy will be an understatement. This is a love-in-the-air channel.

Yeah, whateve. It’s the only channel I can get through. Besides, can’t you just feel the love inside the message?

Alright freaky head. Better get this over with. What’s the song you would like to dedicate to Sapien2-san?

My Best Friend Plank. Thanks, Toshio-san!

All right fellas. Listen up to My Best Frind Plank while I go and grab myself an aspirin. Right here on Nippon-Go.fm!

I’m never bored when I’m with you
We’re pals, we’re buddies through and through
I wish I knew what to buy for you
On your birthday

Our friendship goes against the grain
I’ve seen you swell up in the rain
I saw you - didn’t see your pain
Was it termites

It’s never hard to talk to you
Though you stump me with your silence
I feel so naughty pining here
For your happy face’s guidance

My best friend Plank
My best friend Plank
My best friend Plank

Sitting there so silently
What could you be thinking
You’re not saying; I won’t axe
Is that sealant that you’re drinking

Man, you’re hammered! Nailed you, pal
Al Gore’s wife’s name is "Tipper
I knew that we’d be best friends for life
When I saved you from that chipper

My best friend Plank
My best friend Plank
My best friend Plank

Ooo, Plank
Count the rings, count the rings
Ooo, Plank
Count the rings

I’d walk you on the seven seas
But sawdust always makes me wheeze
I met your mom and dad the trees
But please don’t get Dutch elm disease

My best friend Plank
My best friend Plank
My best friend Plank
You’re my best friend, Plank

You’re still with me, DJ Toshio in our late night segment Message of Love, love is in the air, brought to you by Cornelitto, where love is in every bite. Now, is our third caller on line? Hello?

Hello. This is a Homo sapien from Tokyo.

Sapien2-san?

Yeah, me.

What is this, the war of the Sapiens?

Note: I need to write. Don’t question the lack of plot. Thought you might be interested in what’s everyday inside my head.

Hey there, sunken eyes. What are you looking for?

…

[snaps fingers] Hey! I’m talking to you, miss!

[glances at the newcomer] Oh, it’s you. The wrong person at the wrong place at the wrong time.

Story of my life. So, what are you looking for?

My cerebrum.

Your what?

My cerebrum. You know? The part of the brain that controls thinking or whatsit.

You misplaced your brain?

No. My cerebrum. If I misplaced my brain, I won’t be here answering you. I’ll be laying, dead.

Then what will you tell me, "I’m dead"?

Well, you’ll never know until you ask, right?

Brilliant Miss McClane.

Indeed, Captain Obvious. Help me or tata.

Too bad, ma’am. I kind of liked you.

I got enough friends.

You’re quite difficult for a simple jerk, you know that.

No prizes for stating the obvious. [holding head] Ah! There it is!

I never realised you were funny.

For a second there, I thought I’ve lost it. [sighed contentedly]

For a second there, I thought I’ve lost you.

Eccentric’s the word.

Mental.

Make that mental genius.

Jerk.

So, why did you greet me beforehand?

Nothing.

Then don’t talk to me. You’re annoying.

Ouch, that hurts. [touches heart]

Here, a Band Aid.

I’ll forget you ever said that. Actually, I just thought you might wanna hang out or something.

I hang out at the hospital. Wanna come?

At dad’s clinic?

No, at the morgue. [silly smile]

[equally silly smile] Oh, sounds just as much fun. Count me in.

Grab a backpack. We’re in for quite a while.

Just curious, though. What do we do if we hang out at dad’s clinic?

Stare at the patients.

How is that any fun?

What do normal teens do when they hang out? They just stare at the people.

Jerk. You drive me nuts. We’re not even close to being normal!

Make that cashew. Tasty.

Ring me when you’re done.

You can eat it on its own, pop right into your mouth.

Are you done yet?

Done what?

Rambling.

I never ramble. I express wise thoughts.

You ramble when something’s bugging you. Wanna tell me about it?

Tell you what?

What’s on your mind.

I have a lot. Which part you wanna hear?

The most frustrating one.

Talking to you.

Come on, I know you enjoy annoying me as much as I enjoy annoying you.

Today’s class presentation.

Oh? How did it go?

Rather bleak. I’m not satisfied. I know I could have done better.

Well, better next time it is. [smiles genuinely] Feeling less irked, now?

If it makes you happy, I’ll say yes.

That’s not it, is it? Now tell me what’s on your mind.

Nicely.

I’m not begging, you know. It pummels my ego down to earth.

I’m not telling.

Fine. I’m not helping.

Suits yourself.

Fine. I’m leaving. [turns around]

Adios, amigo!

I really am leaving.

Send me a postcard!

Okay, now you’re on my nerves. Big time, jerk! [turns back around, frowning]

What happened to my postcard?

[holds by the shoulders] Listen. You’re turning eighteen in a couple of months, and you haven’t acquired a single thing of real value in your life, and no, manga doesn’t count. You’re virtually friendless, and you nearly lose the only person who means everything to you.

[yawns]

Can’t you trust me for one second?

Ever watch Die Hard back-to-back?

Don’t change the subject. I’m not done with you yet.

What was it you were asking me of?

I’m asking you to trust me for one sec, and tell me what’s wrong.

Trust are gained, not begged for.

I so did not beg! [releases shoulders]

Fine. Asked.

Haven’t I acquired your trust yet? After all we’ve gone through? You’re hopeless.

You know, I’ve been called jerk four times today. Four’s a pattern, five’s a fact. So, you see, there’s still hope.

Jerk.

You just rendered me hopeless.

…

I trust you. I really do.

Then tell me. I’m all ears.

I just like to rile you up. You know, when those steams get out through your ears, you look like a choo choo train. [grins]

I’m amused. [scowls]

You really wanna listen?

Sure.

I’ll tell you. I promise.

What’s the catch?

About our plan to hang out?

Yeah?

Well, make it at my place. I’ve got four Die Hard DVDs and I plan on doing a marathon.

Die Hard? I don’t fancy a bald Willis.

Me neither. But I’m cool as long as it’s Willis.

What about The Kid?

Now you reminded me. I love that smile of his in that movie! So innocently cute for a guy his age!

Please, I haven’t had my lunch and puking will only makes my stomach hold a grudge against me.

And his last line in The Sixth Sense? “Good night, sweetheart”? That was totally awwwe. [eyes glisten]

Spare my ears, Colonel Ogle.

Whateve. You bring the popcorn. I want plain. Bring some milk, will ya? I spy only one carton of it in the fridge.

Demanding. Difficult. Why did I even bother with you?

I’m a Choleric. This is what we do. What else? Oh, yes. Just come after Isya’ and we’ll have a sleepover. Then we wake up for Qiam and you can get off my back! How does that sounds?

Like a pain.

I know you’ll see it my way!

Well, at least I made you happy.

I’m always happy. What makes you says the opposite?

Your –

[glances at empty wrist] Oh, look at the time! I gotta go. I know you’ll bug me anyhow, so you know what number to call. Roger and out! [runs off]

My ego sure pummelled back to Earth. [sigh]